


Lonesome Wolf

by GypsySisters



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mentor/Protégé, Older Man/Younger Woman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-19 20:25:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17608349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GypsySisters/pseuds/GypsySisters
Summary: Christopher Pike x Sylvia Tilly ... pre relationship attraction & awkward interaction in Medbay after Pike’s injuries on New Eden.





	1. Haunting

Discovery was haunted. The shadow of Lorca hung over the ship, drawing strength in the dark recesses of the crew’s consciousness. It struck each crew member at their weakest: alone at night in the quarters, when faced with a challenge on the bridge, in the moment when they realize all the things that were lost… all the loved ones they’d never see again.

Now Christopher Pike was lying in sickbay, having almost died from the phaser blast on Terralysium, and he wondered what impact his brush with death would have on an already traumatized crew.

When Pike accepted responsibility for this ship and its crew, he knew from the outset he would be battling forces unseen and unknown: doubt, fear, mistrust. He knew the crew would need healing. He’d hoped he could lasso them in, slip a loose adherence to his leadership over their helm and let them run wild for bit at the end of the rope until they found a natural place of rest under his protection and oversight.

What he did not expect was the spitfire that was Ensign Sylvia Tilly. Finding her was like stumbling upon a field of wildflowers.

She made him smile. It was a real smile that seeped warm into his core like whiskey. She made him laugh, a laugh that was like finding a patch of shelter in the wilderness. No. Not shelter. It was something deeper… it was like… it was like finding a bit of home.

His PADD in his lap, he shook his head and opened up the bridge logs from his time on the New Eden planet. He needed to catch up on what he’d missed while unconscious. This was no time for fantasy. There was no home for this lonesome wanderer. He was a man married to his command. He couldn’t pretend to be tied down. He was meant to wander the stars, stalwart and sure, adventure on his heels with nothing tying him back.

Even so, his eyes glazed over as the video logs went by at 5x speed and his mind wandered. To her.

Given his proclivities toward bachelorhood, he was surprised by how satisfied he felt with so little interaction from Ensign Tilly. It was as if she were a fire, and just a little of her warmth sparked something deep within him that flickered soft and low and without burning out.

As he remembered the way she jumped when he’d feigned injury, he chuckled, then winced as he put a hand over his ribs, sucking a tight breath in through his teeth.

That’s when he saw it, and his jaw dropped. His video logs showed Ensign Tilly bursting onto the bridge, hair swishing and dancing about her shoulders every time she turned her head. As she hustled around in her medical gown at 5x speed, he scrambled to stop the playback and rewind back to the beginning, back to the moment she barged through the door and took willful command of the situation.

He sighed, relaxed back into his Medbay bed, popped his earbuds in, and watched her as brilliance spouted from her mouth and uninhibited excitement glowed resplendent from her very being. Wasn’t she a sight to behold? He blinked slowly as the whiskey-like feeling permeated his core and the light flickering inside his chest grew brighter.

She was singular, unlike anyone he’d ever known.

•••

The Discovery wasn’t haunted. No. No no no. There was no possible way Tilly and May Ahearn had actually had conversations (conversation _s_... with an “s”... for plural... because that means Multiple ConversationS). It was impossible because May had died June 9, 2252. May was dead, and the dead don’t speak, except…

Tilly started to remember Stamets talking about his experiences seeing Hugh when he engaged with the spore drive, and suddenly all the possible boundaries between life and death and this timeline and all the rest of the bifurcation timelines in existence... all of this started spinning around  in Tilly’s brain until she stumbled back on her heels and flopped onto her bed.

She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples.

It was in her head. It was all in her head. And, as such, she needed a medical evaluation. Now.

As she strode through the ship, she mumbled to herself, running through possible explanations for her hallucination. Maybe this was a sort of Beautiful Mind scenario, a schizophrenic manifestation of part of her personality as expressed by an outside identity. Or maybe she was hallucinating after her exposure to dark matter. Maybe her work with the spore drive or the exposure to interdimensional travel had residual effects on her brain matter. She wasn’t sure if any of her theories were right, but she was sure of one thing: she needed to run tests.

As she burst into medbay, however, the doctor's name died on her lips as she saw, sitting up in bed, his eyes sparkling as he looked at her in bewilderment and delight, was Captain Christopher Pike.


	2. Bedside

“Doctor…”

The words died on her tongue as Tilly bit her lower lip, looking away at the adjacent empty beds, at the medical supplies, at the wall, anywhere but at the man propped up disarmingly on his pillows.

Pike chuckled, “I can assure you of one thing, Ensign: I am no doctor.”

She grinned nervously at the joke, glancing at him to note how his hair was slightly tousled and there was a rosy tint to his cheeks. As she scanned the room for the elusive doctor, she allowed her peripheral vision to note how the Captain straightened his posture, even while in bed, as if she was someone he was trying to impress. She registered how he sighed, as if the silence spoke more than a multitude of words. She couldn’t keep her gaze from flitting back to his eyes to see how they twinkled in her presence as if he were gazing at the most resplendent of dawns.

“I… um…” Tilly ruined the perfect silence with her typical blundering awkwardness. Her shoulders hunched forward as she took a step back, preparing for a hasty exit. Her hands were as flighty as two anxious birds. She gulped. When she spoke again, her voice started in a garbled register resembling that of a frog’s and ended in a trembling nervous pitch. “Do you happen to know when the doctor will return?

_In the name of the Holy Tardigrade could a dark matter anvil please fall on her now?_

Tilly prayed for relief, but the universe did not see it fit to save her from her blundering.

Pike shrugged, smiling at her with that horrible smile… the one she couldn’t resist… the one with the _dimples_.. “If it wouldn’t inconvenience you to wait, I’d be awfully glad for the company.”

“You… you want _me_ ?... to keep you _company_?”

“Why, yes, Ensign.” He drawled, relaxing a little in the hopes that she, too, would relax as well.

She sighed, shrugged, and looked around the room. “Where are all the chairs?”

It wasn’t until that moment that Pike registered the obvious deficit. “Perhaps the chairs all got better. Healing inanimate objects is beyond the call of duty. We really must tell Pollard to stop doing her job so well.” He chuckled, then winced immediately.

Tilly rushed to his side, squeezing her hands as she looked him over worriedly. “You should really try not to break yourself, Captain.”

He looked up at her with an intensity that was only made all the more irresistible by the way he was fighting through his pain. “Should I leave the breaking to you, then, Ensign?”

“No,” she replied earnestly. “I wouldn’t even want to break your little finger.”

At that, Pike chuckled again and grabbed his ribs, wincing.

Eyes wide in shock at causing him actual pain, she started to apologize profusely when he interrupted her, “Please, Tilly, don’t…” he sucked in a careful breath, trying to relax around the ache, his eyes shut, his brow furrowed and intense.

How did someone manage to make being injured look so sexy? And it’s not even like he was injured because of lack of skill or cowardice or even clumsiness. He was injured because of bravery. He saved an innocent girl. He was a hero.

A fucking hero.

Why did he have to be a hero?

And why couldn’t she remember why she’d come to Medbay in the first place? Suddenly nothing else mattered except helping the man in front of her.

Tilly sat impulsively on the bed, her thighs sinking into the mattress and brushing up against the blanket that covered his own. She was a little closer to him than she’d intended, shocking them both as she took his hand and squeezed it. She needed to anchor herself to the act of comforting him, almost as a way of encouraging herself.

“If you have to keep from laughing, I find it best to recite lists of data… you know… the really boring lists that nobody wants to learn but everyone has to learn anyways so the teachers drill them into your brain like some kind of intellectual hazing that leaves scars for years to come? I had a teacher like this years ago, long before Starfleet Academy, a biology teacher who started every lecture with a 7 minute mantra that was nothing more than a list of Latin root words and their meanings. He said the memorization would help us with figuring out biology terminology, but, honestly, I just repeat the mantra when I’m running or something like that to get my mind off of how much my body hurts.”

The whole time, Tilly’s grip remained steady on Pike’s hand and she refused to return or even acknowledge his bewildered gaze.

“Of course, another way to distract yourself could always be…”

“Ensign,” he interrupted her, and she looked at him, looking for something she didn’t quite have the right words to express, not even in her list of Latin prefixes and suffixes and roots.

“Yes, Captain?”

He squeezed her hand as he sighed. “I can’t feel a lick of pain.”


	3. Fists

When you make a fist, that’s the size of your heart. As Sylvia Tilly felt the pressure of her Captain’s hand squeezing her own, she couldn’t help but remember that fact. It was like he was making a fist around her grip, holding her heart in his hand… holding her heart in his heart.

“Your hand… it feels… I mean…” she looked up at him, flustered by the intensity of her feelings and by the suddenness with which they seemed to be empowering her other senses. A wave of electricity shivered up her spine; her touch seemed hyper aware; she felt like she could pick out each individual silver hair that distinguished his head; and as she huffed, she noticed a subtle earthy note emanating from underneath his sterile medbay gown.

“Yes...?” Pike regarded her with a patient curiosity. He wanted so badly to call her by her name, but didn’t want to startle her off with overfamiliarity. Likewise, he did not want to remind her unnecessarily of the professional nature of their relationship and setting a boundary by calling her “Ensign.” Therefore, he opted for a short silence and an encouraging smile in the place where her name might have been. “Please go on.”

Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled, her eyes bouncing around the room as her mind searched for the right words. 

“It feels… it feels… I mean… it feels very nice.”

He squeezed her hand again to get her attention as he smiled again with those goddamn dimples. “Does it feel as good as my nail beds look?”

She laughed nervously. Feeling embarrassed and self conscious, she tried to pull her hand back, but he held on, tightening his grip.

Before he could say anything, she started rambling. “I have a tendency to say exactly what’s on my mind and I’ve been trying to work on my verbal filter but it’s not always active, especially when I feel comfortable or when I’m taken off guard or when my emotions are involved. And I know I need to say fewer things. I know I need to talk less and not announce every single observation that flies through my prefrontal cortex. And… well… Sir… I mean… it’s true: you have amazing nail beds. And your hand feels good. But I’m not… I’m not trying to… I mean… what I’m trying to say is... I’m really not that into you.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. She barely knew him. How could she be deeply invested in someone she barely knew. She was a into him, for sure, but only a tiny bit. It was an obnoxious little crush that would fade away sooner or later and there was no reason to let her chances at impressing her Captain with her commend potential fade along with it.

She was giggling and blushing and even as she continued to protest, Pike rubbed her hand soothingly with his thumb, little circles on the soft part of her skin right between her thumb and pointer finger.

“I completely understand.” He looked at her with empathy, but there was a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. 

“You… you do?”

“Of course, Ensign. I’m not really that into you either. Not your warm presence, not your fiery wit, not the ferocity with which you’d strive to protect others.”

Tilly snort-laughed as she looked at him, confused, forgetting all about the way they were holding hands, the touch becoming a part of her subconscious. “What… what are you talking about?”

“I caught up on the bridge logs during my time on Terralysium. I know how you defied doctor’s orders, risking your well being to save an entire planet, including your crew mates who were on it. Including me.”

They were looking in each other’s eyes and Pike was praying on all the stars in this wilderness and beyond that she might grace his tired bones with a chance to bear witness one such burst of her fiery spirit, an openness of her being, a moment that he might fold into a sweet memory to warm his weary soul on his lonesome road once his time on Discovery was done.

“You sacrificed more than I did. You could have died, just to save one girl. That’s… that’s…”

“Duty.” He supplied with a look of humility that permeated his features down to his core.

“I was going to say that it was honorable, Sir.” She smiled respectfully.

He looked at her then with a kind sadness. He could sense that the visit was ending, and when she took her leave, her presence would be replaced by an ache.

He wanted to ask her not to go, but under what pretext could he ask her to stay?

She squeezed his hand one last time and pulled back, smoothing down the fabric on her trousers as she stood. She made a fist, then smiled as she glanced at his own hand that was lying now in his lap.

Was it possible that she had been holding his heart in her hands?

“Penny for your thoughts?”

His words shook her from her reverie and she looked up at him guiltily. He was Captain Christopher Pike, and who was she? She was just an Ensign, just Silly Tilly, just the awkward girl allergic to normal interactions. 

“I… I was just thinking…”

“Yes?”

She looked at him then and when she saw the honesty in his eyes she realized she would tell him anything. Her heart was hammering in her chest. A blaze of excitement and curiosity at the newness of her emotion made her cheeks flush. Then, just as she opened her mouth to speak, Doctor Pollard entered the room.

As the doctor looked up from her PADD, Tilly turned a brighter shade of pink and she clamped her jaw shut.

“Ah… I see you have a visitor.” Doctor Pollard smiled warmly at the Captain. 

“Oh… not really,” Pike grinned sadly, trying to mask the pain at losing whatever Tilly was about to confess to him. “Ensign Tilly was just keeping me company while…”

“Actually,” Tilly interrupted him, stepping away nervously, “I really… I gotta go…”

With that she bolted out of the room, down the hall, walking as fast as her feet would take her, farther and farther away, mumbling, “A: negative, not, without. Ab: off, from, separate. Ad: two or toward. Af: two or toward. Amphi: both or double….” She recited latin prefixes and suffixes and root words until the impossible ache she felt when she thought of the way her Captain had looked in her eyes started to subside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (´♡ ‿ ♡`) Thanks for all the love you guys have been sharing in the comments. I hope you enjoyed this little bit of angsty set up for Episode 3 & their interaction on the bridge.


	4. Liar

“Excellent work, Saru.” Captain Pike nodded in closing at the end of his first officer’s debriefing. Pike had been out of commission for long enough while he’d been healing from his wounds. Now it was the beginning of a new day, and Pike was glad to be well enough to settle back into the routine of command. 

“There is one more thing, Captain, if I may…?” Saru nodded deferentially, touching his long fingers together in elegant supplication, his elbows resting on his knees.

“Go on,” Pike grinned, made as curious by Saru’s tentative behavior as he was by the mystery of what his first officer wanted to bring to his attention. 

“We have several crew members in the command training program, and I would like to give them an opportunity to join us on the bridge, to learn first hand from shadowing more seasoned veterans.”

Pike relaxed back in his chair. “That’s an excellent idea! In fact, I’d like you to assign one of the candidates to me, as well.”

“Would you like any one… in particular… assigned to you?” Saru glanced at the Captain slyly as Pike’s eyes twinkled knowingly. Saru could sense that he was fond of one Ensign more than anyone else on the ship, and subtlety was not Saru’s strong suit. 

“No,” Pike grinned, refusing to confirm Saru’s unspoken suspicions. “Give me the trainee who’s doing the best.”

Later than day, Pike watched as the three candidates were brought up for training. He checked his PADD for his assignment and smiled when he saw Ensign Sylvia Tilly’s name there. He scanned the room to make sure he was not defaulting on his duties, but as he did so, he allowed his gaze to linger on the back of her head where her fiery red hair was tamed into a tight bun. He imagined himself loosening that bun, running his fingers through her strands, massaging her scalp as her locks and curls cascaded over them both.

He had to catch himself before the fantasy got out of control. Coughing, he returned to his list of duties, but his head was elsewhere and he was only going through the motions of command as he endeavored to stay as professional as could be expected while in close proximity to the woman who took his breath away.

“Look sharp, people. This is our future competition.” His bravado was a mask over his own unfulfilled yearnings.

_ She said she’s not really that into you, Christopher. Show the lady respect. Give her space. _

As she approached his command station, his heart went out to her. He could tell right away that she was distracted: her mouth worried, her eyes flitting away and unfocussed, her body impossibly tense. She stammered, “Ensign Sylvia Tilly, Sir. Fully present and utterly focused on this very important exercise for which I am all ears, Captain.”

“Your dedication is noted, Ensign.” He chuckled at her enthusiasm which seemed to be a mask over her own nervousness.

When they had been at medbay, she had reached out to him to help him break through his pain. Maybe he could return the favor, shake her out of whatever was stressing her now with some light hearted humor. “So, what should we do? How 'bout we marry some folks, even if they're not that into each other, hmm?"

She laughed, which was a good sign. “Oh, very good, Sir.” But as his attention was pulled away, she started to mutter, and he couldn’t make it out. She continued to be distracted as he tried to go over her assignment with her, and as she sat in his command chair, he grew more and more concerned about her demeanor.

“I'm hearing considerably fewer syllables out of you than normal,” he teased lightheartedly. Something was off. Was it because of what happened in Medbay? Was she spooked because they had drawn close? Maintaining an air of professionalism, he observed her with every ounce of his attention. “I- I know the chair can be intimidating, but are you okay?”

What happened next shocked them all. After suppressing her inner dialogue, Tilly shouted at him, directly at her Captain, pointing an accusing finger at him, “No! I'm not listening to you anymore! You tricked me and you lied to me!”

Pike was speechless.

The bridge crew were shocked.

Only Saru had the sense of mind to speak up, and he chastised her, “Ensign Sylvia Tilly!”

As soon as the first officer’s words met her ears, it was as if a shroud had been lifted from her mind and she realized everything that she’d said and done. Steeped in painful embarrassment, Tilly stumbled out of the command chair and looked dazedly around the room before she announced the two most heartbreaking words.

“I quit.”

Then she stepped into the turbolift and was whisked away.

Pike was left standing on the bridge, heart aching, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He wanted to pursue her, wanted to demand of her how he’d done her wrong. He wanted to know what merited such an outburst from someone he’d barely interacted with. He clenched his fists, took a long breath, and then released a slow and steady sigh.

As the air left his lungs, he tried to remember that she, too, was only ever meant to be temporary. She was a breath on the wind, a flower that he was never meant to pick, and fire that was never meant to keep him warm. He could accept that. He had already accepted that before he’d known her, and it would be easy to accept again, as he barely knew her now.

Then he considered her words again.

He knew he’d neither lied to her not tricked her. With a melancholy crinkle to his eyes, he called his first officer aside, and spoke discreetly, “I have not known the Ensign as long as you, but something tells me this sort of  _ erratic  _ behavior is unusual?”

Saru’s tongue clicked and he nodded. “Yes, Captain. Ensign Tilly can be... unpredictable... at times… but she always retains a deep sense of loyalty to her work and her ship.  _ Slander  _ is quite unlike her.”

Pike nodded. “I see.”

“Might I suggest we wait to process Tilly’s voluntary expulsion from the Command Training Program?”

Pike flashed a debonair smile and patted Saru on the back with a little too much gusto for the Kelpian’s taste. “You read my mind.”

When Saru turned away, however, Pike took a moment to collect himself. What he was drawn to about Sylvia Tilly was her uninhibited nature, her unpredictable exuberance, her passionate fervency. He did not want to quelch her spirit, but he was aware that if he let the fire too close to the kindling, every last inch of his tired old heart would burn.

He shrugged and smirked, accepting his fate.

What a brilliant fire that would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Pike said that line in the show "How 'bout we marry some folks, even if they're not that into each other?" I nearly lost my shippers-heart-shit and exploded with headcannon feels. And I maybe rewound the scene a million time to watch them interact over and over again. Maaaybe.
> 
> Finger's crossed this week's episode gives us more fodder!!!!!!
> 
> (PS: Did anyone else pick up on the fact that Tilly's mom was a Starfleet officer last epiosde? $10 says she shows up and screws with Tilly's Command Training. Maybe Pike can defend her or something.)


End file.
